Uberawesome Dinosaur

Updated Bucket List

2012-01-28T23:09:00.001+08:00

This is what I hope to do before I die.

(I'm just hoping)

Whatever is in bold is new.

Whatever is in underlined italic has been veetoed.

Make a difference in someone's life
Save someone's life

Visit a wax museum and conquer my automatonophobia
Write a song on the guitar
Witness a sunset
Witness a sunrise
Take a class in dog grooming
Adopt a pet
Stay in a house by the beach for at least two weeks
Go to the airport and take the first flight out of Singapore to (anywhere)
Get a motorbike licence and a Vespa scooter
Go snorkeling

Receive flowers
Receive BALLOONS! Yay! [done]

sex.

2012-01-21T18:54:00.001+08:00

I was talking to J today, about, well, sex. She's a rather innocent kid, and she got very disgusted by all the sex jokes that our friends were making and she was offended by the sexual content of some movie.

I just thought I'd quote some parts of the conversation:

J: Why can't the world just stay pure and innocent?
Me: And who says sex isn't innocent? It's human nature after all. We were made to have sex. God wanted it.

J: One study suggested that vaginal absorption of semen could act as an antidepressant in women; the study compared two groups of women, one of them which used condoms and the other did not.
Me: Uhm oh kayyyyyy. Tell me for what lol
J: Cause you have dperession?
Me: Haha so what are you suggesting that I go have sex.
J: Erm. I don't know.

Haha okay now she's asking me why condoms have so many colours and why there are so many types.

PS: I knew that title would catch your attention.

a letter to my mathematics teacher

2012-01-21T11:12:00.001+08:00

Dear Mr RC

You are an arrogant, direspectful and horrible Math teacher.

You were my Math teacher last year, too, and I tried my best to be patient and not snap/scoff at every lame excuse you made for not preparing a lesson or marking our tests. I also held my tongue every time you arrogantly ignored students, including myself.

However, this year, I have decided that you will only get my respect when you have EARNED my respect.

I will respect you when you stop making up excuses for being a horrible teacher; I will respect you when you stop ignoring people because you're too arrogant to acknowledge them; I will respect you when you start to care about your students; I will respect you when you have learnt to respect others; I will respect you when you stop being so fucking racist agaisnt Malays.

Very soon, everyone would, like I have, become sick of your nonsense.

I hope you get stuck in a gantry or doorway because you're so fat.

Claire

Haven't written a decent post in awhile...

2012-01-12T20:59:00.001+08:00

I've seriously been lacking in inspiration and motivation lately.

Please excuse the lack of decent posts ):

A few random things about me.

2012-01-06T17:16:00.001+08:00

I wear a toe-ring on my second toe of my left foot. However, the weak aluminium is about to give way, so if anyone wants to buy me a new toe-ring, be my guest :p
My steam user name is dances_with_smurfs, because my sister told me that I'm so tiny I could dance with smurfs.
I have had asthma since I was a little kid
I often write in Traditional Chinese rather than Simplified Chinese because the characters look so much prettier :p My teacher always scolds me for that, hehe.
My favourite outfit: tank top + hoodie + jeans + high-cut converse + messenger bag

Not looking forward to 2012

2011-12-31T21:13:00.001+08:00

I don't want to face yet another year of misery, lonliness and stress.

(just whining)

Doodles

2011-12-29T21:18:00.001+08:00

A drawing of a girl, probably about to go to sleep, since she's in nighties.

A pen drawing of a hurt girl. I failed, obviously.

The Butterfly Project

2011-12-22T02:04:00.001+08:00

I'm supporting The Butterfly Project, a movenment dedicated to providing support for those that suffer from depression and/or self-mutilation behavior.

Forelsket

2011-12-18T23:28:00.001+08:00

Forelsket: (Norwegian) the euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love

I miss the girl I was

2011-12-16T02:54:00.001+08:00

I'd give anything to be the happy girl I was just a few months ago.

ChildAid 2011

2011-12-09T00:11:00.001+08:00

I have volunteered to be a chaperone for ChildAid 2011, a charity event that raises money for the Budding Artists Funds and the School Pocket Money Funds.

Initially, it was tiring and nothing more. Every day, us chaperones would sit around and do nothing until the stage manager called on us to play a song, get drinks or distribute food.

Today was day one of the performance.

Sitting behind my computer screen, I am exhausted, but with a wide smile on my face I cannot erase. The time I had spent with the girls from Happy Mondays today was amazing and fun. We spent time together laughing and talking about anything and everything, ranging from solemn topics like depression and bullying to light hearted ones such as Pokemon and Spongebob.

Sure, being a chaperone is stressful and absolutely tiring, but being with the joyful performers has seriously lifted my spirits up.

Playing chaperone to the Happy Mondays girls has also made me feel good about myself, and I haven't felt like that in a very long time. They told me that I was the best chaperone ever, and they cheered enthusiastically when the stage manager announced that I was to be their chaperone. One of the girls, Shania, even gave me a hug :D

I am definitely volunteering again next year.

Untitled

2011-11-27T14:13:00.001+08:00

The best thing you can do is to find a person who loves you for exactly what you are.

Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think that the sun shines out your ass.

That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

Juno (film)

i will spend one whole day at the beach

2011-11-24T12:07:00.001+08:00

Story book in hand, I will gently sway on a hammock, enjoying the cool breeze and the glorious sun. Perhaps I could have a loved one seated beside me, agaisnt the tree my hammock is tied to.

After awhile of reading, we'll just talk for awhile and enjoy each other's company.

I will go into the water, just to enjoy the tranquility of it. Seated by the shore, I will witness my first beautiful sunset before treating myself to a seaside dinner.

Finally, I will take a long bus ride home.

a rant on depression

2011-11-15T21:23:00.001+08:00

To those who assume that depression is self-inflicted:

UP YOURS _|_

----------

If I had a choice, I would never choose to be depressed - I would choose to be the happy, carefree person I was just a few years ago.

Unless you have had depression, you will never understand the agony I go through every single waking moment; the effort I take just to pull myself out of bed each morning.

You will never understand how scary it is.
You will never understand how unfair it is.

Terrified.

2011-11-15T21:17:00.001+08:00

a random prose

2011-11-12T15:41:00.001+08:00

It's a rainy, gloomy Saturday afternoon, and I was just seated in front of my computer listening to some classic Disney songs, waiting for 6.30pm to come so that I could finally leave the house and meet E.

And then I started to write.

This is what I came up with:

In a bright red raincoat, she runs onto the street void of cars. She prances around, embracing the rain as passers-by stare.

She is free; she is happy.
She is doing what she wants to.

"Hey," Voices hiss at her. "Are you crazy? Do you want to get struck by lightning or hit by a car? Get under the shelter."

With that, the girl in the bright red raincoat trudges toward the shelter. She strips her raincoat, revealing her mundane, gray sweater. She joins the crowd and walks under the shelter, eyes fixed on the ground. She follows the ground blindly, like everyone else is doing.

She is restrained; she is unhappy.
She has conformed.

Things that make me happy:

2011-11-07T21:34:00.001+08:00

Swiming
I enjoy taking a dip in the pool. I love the tranquility of water and being underwater makes me feel a sense of peace that I covet every waking moment. Being underwater makes me feel floaty and light - I love it.
Roller-skating
Gliding along the ground on my skates make me feel free. However, there is always the 'oh-my-god-I'm-gonna-fall' factor because I've horrible balance.
Walking my dog
My doggie and I will run up the hill at Admiralty Park, where it is secluded and where I can find some solitude. I enjoy sitting by the deep drain and watching my dog prance around, carefree and happy.
Snuggles and hugs
I feel safe when somebody I love, be it friend or family, has their arms wrapped around me.

I will love myself so no one else has to.

2011-11-03T14:23:00.001+08:00

What I find sexy/attractive:

2011-11-03T13:37:00.001+08:00

writers
singers
readers
huggers
listeners
abs

Fear of Rejection

2011-11-01T20:45:00.001+08:00

I have come to realize that I have a fear of rejection. I am very, very much afraid of being rejected and being The Outcast. I was never like this before.

I had a very "I will not conform just to fit in" attitude, and I never cared that I was different or if people rejected and shunned me for being different.

Perhaps being bullied changed me.

Now, I am constantly afraid of being left out by my friends. I give into peer pressure just like that and I'm awfully afraid of losing friends.

What has become of me?

Hyperbole and a Half: Advertures in Depression

2011-10-28T14:04:00.001+08:00

Adapting a few passges and pictures from Hyperbole and a Half: Adventures in Depression... (because I can seriously relate)

It's disappointing to feel sad for no reason. Sadness can be almost pleasantly indulgent when you have a way to justify it - you can listen to sad music and imagine yourself as the protagonist in a dramatic movie.

But my sadness didn't have a purpose. Essentially, I was being robbed of my right to feel self pity, which is the only redeeming part of sadness.
And for a little bit, that was a good enough reason to pity myself.

I tried to force myself to not be sad.

When I couldn't will myself to not be sad, I became frustrated and angry.

But, since I was depressed, this tactic was less inspirational and more just a way to oppress myself with hatred.

Which made me more sad.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

it's okay to cry

2011-10-25T18:08:00.001+08:00

you don't have to be strong forever.

only the misunderstood understand the misunderstood

2011-10-24T15:01:00.001+08:00

People often tell me that it is no good to have so many depressed friends (four of my closest friends are depressed). However, I love those depressed friends a lot.

I like to think of depressed people as misunderstood, and only the misunderstood can understand the misunderstood.

My fellow depressed friends will not get sick and tired of my whining or my moodswings; they will not think that I'm some pyscho for being upset over nothing. Most importantly, they understand how I feel. We understand each other, and I think that that is what matters most.

A friend of mine once told me "how hard is it to be happy?" when I told him that I was feeling down. I was slightly ticked off for awhile, because he clearly did not understand how difficult it really is for me to be happy. Someone who really understands how I feel will never say that, and will never think that.

So please, people, please stop telling me to steer clear away from my friends who have depression. Those friends make me the happiest - they make me feel the least judged and they don't make me feel like a freak or a weirdo for having depression - I love them very, very much.

The joy of writing letters

2011-10-16T15:26:00.001+08:00

I enjoy writing letters very much, and I enjoy receiving letters.

There is a certain element of suspense and joy when you receive a letter. Remember the happy Blue's Clues song?

We just got a letter
we just got a letter!

We just got a letter,
I wonder who it's from!?!

That is what is going through my mind every single time I receive a letter in the mail, even if I already know who it is from.

Exams are over....

2011-10-16T15:19:00.001+08:00

....and we can finally heave a sigh of "OH MY GOD I AM GONNA FAIL".

Prose: Maybe She's Crazy

2011-10-09T18:54:00.001+08:00

She sits are the familiar table of familiar faces, greets the people she calls ‘friends’ and puts her head down to rest. Looking up, faces passing by, laughter filling the morning sky. But for reasons unknown, comes the urge to cry. Feeling out of place, like she doesn’t belong here, everything simply feeling unreal. No one sees her – she’s invisible – true, although implausible. She just wants to be free, somewhere she can yell ‘this is me’ and somewhere judgment-free.

“What fee would you pay to be that free? I know of eternal freedom; a judgment-free kingdom. Just come with me, you’ll be free as me. Daft girl, put aside the lies of love and laughter and salvation, come now, the price to be free is only your life.”

(The sweet release of death is tempting, something she has been coveting.)

Voice in her head that just won’t go away; fear, frustration, anguish and hopes thrown away. She has cried herself dry – no more tears to cry. She hits her head till she sees black spots but just won’t stop. Not until that sense of dread is gone.

Harder, harder.

She hits harder, hitting away the weaknesses and anger. One final blow, she falls to the floor, out of her head, carmine red flows.

And that’s the end of it – there’s your happy ending.

Neil Gaiman quotes

2011-09-27T20:31:00.001+08:00

“I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman: The Kindly Ones

“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman: A Game of You

“There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts.”
― Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things

“She seems so cool, so focused, so quiet, yet her eyes remain fixed upon the horizon. You think you know all there is to know about her immediately upon meeting her, but everything you think you know is wrong. Passion flows through her like a river of blood.
She only looked away for a moment, and the mask slipped, and you fell. All your tomorrows start here.”
― Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things

Neil Gaiman quots

2011-09-27T20:30:00.001+08:00

“I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman: The Kindly Ones

“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman: A Game of You

“There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts.”
― Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things

“She seems so cool, so focused, so quiet, yet her eyes remain fixed upon the horizon. You think you know all there is to know about her immediately upon meeting her, but everything you think you know is wrong. Passion flows through her like a river of blood.
She only looked away for a moment, and the mask slipped, and you fell. All your tomorrows start here.”
― Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things

"I love you forever, forever and always."

2011-09-27T20:26:00.001+08:00

Is it possible for love to last forever?

Midnight Thoughts: My Dad.

2011-09-26T21:22:00.001+08:00

My father travels a lot (what he does for a living, I still have NO idea). Because of my workaholic dad, my father is doing a little better than just well-to-do. However, sometimes, I just wish that he could stop working for awhile. He works on weekends, public holidays and even on his leave days.

About the only time we ever have together right now, is with him in the car, when he's driving me somewhere. But, of course, he would be on the phone, and I would sit there beside him, silent and listening to music from my iPhone.

When I was younger (like lower primary young), my dad travelled less and I had lesser commitments. Both of us thus had more time to spend with each other. He'd bring me cycling, swimming, to the beach and we'd drop by electronic fairs all the time to buy new nifty gadgets. He would even bring me to the toy store to pick out a toy (I would usually go for the helicopters or swords).

Unfortunately, somewhere along all the travelling and commitments, we have grown apart. When I sit across him at the dining table, I can't find anything to talk about and neither can he, so we just sit there silently, taking turns to utter comments about the food under our breaths and checking our phones every so often. Perhaps, just perhaps, if my dad hadn't taken the high-paying job which requires so much travelling, we might be closer today.

It just isn't easy.

2011-09-26T21:10:00.001+08:00

I'm trying my best to be as positive as I was before, and I'm trying my best to stay happy.

But sometimes, it just isn't easy.

It's like I'm standing on a platform cracking from everything difficult and scarring I've been through, and the platform is supported by pillars of friends who come and go as they please. The platform is shaky and uncertain and it is absolutely terrifying when you never know when your pillars are going to come crashing down and when the entire platform will shatter, leaving you in the debris of it all.

Physically Challenged versus Psychological Challenged

2011-09-21T22:44:00.001+08:00

The other day, in school, during our Civics and Morale education (aka LIGHTS in Admiralty Secondary), our teacher played us several clips of Dr. William Tan. Here is one of the videos she showed us:

I watched the video once in school and when I got home, I re-watched it. Here are two things I've been thinking about while watching the video:

That is one arrogant man.
I'm sorry, I don't 'feel' for Dr. Tan or think that he is a hero. I don't think that he is oh-so-great, like everyone else does. I feel that after everyone telling him 'you are an inspiration; you are so brave and good-hearted', he got big headed.
There are people who have been through a lot more and a lot worse than him, and they simply go un-noticed.
Yes, what he has been through and what he has done is impressive, but it does not awe me because of he seems to have a 'I'm-so-high-and-mighty' attitude.
Everyone pities those physically challenged. What about that psychologically challenged?
In my opinion, having to overcome psychological issues and challenges, such as disorders, is a lot more difficult than having to overcome physical issues and challenges, such as disabilities.
I feel this way because those who have mental issues (I do not mean for the term 'mental issues' to be offensive) are fighting against themselves. Good self versus bad self, sane self versus insane self. These people get tormented no less than the physically disabled, but somehow, everyone pities the physically disabled more because the symptoms are more 'out there'.

And that is all I have for tonight. My brain is melting and my eyes are leaking.

Goodnight.

That's why my secrets remain secrets

2011-09-21T21:56:00.001+08:00

Everyone has their own set of secrets, and it's scary to open up to someone when it comes to secrets you've never told anyone.

You've no idea what their reaction would be...

Would they still accept you and love you if they knew? Would they treat you the same? Look at you the same way?
Or would they shun you? Treat you 'special' and look at you different, perhaps even look at you like you're a freak?

Sometimes I just don't want to know what their reaction would be, and I don't want to risk getting shunned or treated differently. Hence I just keep all my secrets to myself. See, now, that's why my secrets always remain secrets, and if I do confide in you, be honoured. Be VERY honoured.

Girls, show a little decency.

2011-09-19T19:58:00.001+08:00

Lose the butt-shorts and micro-mini skirts, the low-cut shirts and the 'one-size too small for you' tank tops.

If you, for whatever deluded reason you have, really feel the need to dress like a tramp, then quit whining that guys are staring, or that they're treating you like 'eye-candy'.

You let yourself get treated as eye-candy, so you've only yourself to blame when guys oggle you.

There are the girls who dress like that for themselves to feel good, and then there are the girls who dress as such to get male attention.

I don't understand the logic behind dressing slutty to get male-attention.
If you're flashing guys and seducing them deliberately, then they're going to be treating you the way you're asking to be treated - as a toy or just a tease.

Please, girls, dressing to impress doesn't mean dressing like a hooker.

P.S: You wanna wear butt-shorts, might as well wear freaking denim panties. What's the diff, right?

Bucket List

2011-09-19T13:28:00.001+08:00

I am going to be drafting a bucket list again, because I sort of lost the one I wrote before... So here is Draft Number One, in no specific order:

Make a difference in someone's life
Save someone's life

Visit a wax museum and conquer my automatonophobia
Write a song on the guitar
Witness a sunset
Witness a sunrise
Take a class in dog grooming

Receive flowers
Receive BALLOONS! Yay!

Forgive them

Midnight Thoughts: it's a lonely night tonight

2011-09-19T04:11:00.001+08:00

Like every other night, it is a lonely night tonight.
My second last pill of Atarax kicked in around 1am, and I fell asleep at 1.30am while texting Ben. 3.30am, jolted awake by god-knows-what and now, 4am, I am still awake with weary eyes, an exhausted physical being and a malfunctioning mind.

You know, initially, lonely nights were a lot lonelier, but after having to go through several nights of loneliness, I kind of got used to it.
Although it is lonely and agonizing, at least I get some solitude and serenity.

Hm, would you look at that - I'm starting to learn to embrace the night I once loathed.

Perhaps that's what we all have got to do. - Find the positive points about everything we despise and perhaps life would get a little easier.

lyrics that mean something to me.

2011-09-18T23:01:00.001+08:00

Here are some of my favourite song lyrics. They're my favourite either because I can relate to them, or because I find them exceptionally true.

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
...
Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
...
Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway Train by Soul Asylum

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
...
I wish I was specialBut I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

Creep by Radiohead

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
...
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

Swing Life Away by Rise Against

I can't hold on to me
wonder what's wrong with me
Lithium- don't want to lock me up inside
lithium- don't want to forget how it feels without
lithium- I want to stay in love with my sorrow
oh I'm gonna let it go

Lithium by Evanescence

Saving for a camera

2011-09-18T22:20:00.001+08:00

I'm currently saving for a camera, but I'm having some trouble deciding which to get. Taking into account price and quality, could you guys give me some advice?

Here is what I have shortlisted:

Powershot G12
Finepix x10
Finepix HS20 EXR
Finepix F600 EXR

I'm not exactly a pro, so I don't want something that I may not know how to use to its full potential, because then it'd be money wasted.

So yeah, I'd appreciate some sound advice :D

Please and thank you~

Midnight Thoughts: List of Turn Offs

2011-09-17T20:20:00.001+08:00

Wrote this a few nights back, on one of those lonely nights that I couldn't sleep.

LIST OF TURN OFFS

Shallow fools who think that reading is boring
Self-conceited idiots
Dumbasses who cannot tell the difference between 'too' and 'to' and who think that 'a lot' is one word (yes it matters to me)
"Oh-so-mature" people with no imagination and think that imagination is only for little kids
"Oh-so-mature" people who are horrible sports and refuse to have childish fun because they're too 'mature' for catching, tickling, hide and seek and bubble-blowing.
K-Pop fans, J-Pop fans. Unless you understand the lyrics, then it is a different story, because I do not see the point of listening to songs in which you've no idea what they mean.

What it's like to be unable to sleep at 4am:

2011-09-16T17:48:00.001+08:00

One word : AGONIZING.

It is pure agony. Psychologically and physically.

You're alone at 4am, with nothing but the sound of the night to accompany you. The slightest noise - a car zooming by, a bird chirping - makes you jump.
You're so tired that you might very well collapse there and then (honestly, I wouldn't mind fainting since I might actually get some rest that way).

Being alone in the dead of the night is scary. It is dark all around and your mind starts playing tricks on you. You see shadows from the corner of your eye, you get a shock and turn around to find that it was just a bird flying by the window.

Being alone in the dead of the night is...lonely. You've no one to talk to and nobody to hug, no one to comfort you and nobody to stay up with you just for the sake of accompanying you.

It's sad, really, being so mentally and physically exhausted, yet unable to fall asleep.

...because I won't be your back-up friend any more

2011-09-16T14:43:00.001+08:00

Too many times I have been the back-up friend, and too many times I have been replaced by 'better' friends.

Today, I make a stand and I make a decision that I will no longer allow myself to be treated as ANYBODY'S second choice, spare tyre or back-up friend.

I will no longer daftly forgive each and every pathetic fool who comes crawling back to me when their 'new and improved' friends have ditched them the way they have ditched me.

Sometimes it's just easier to confide in a stranger.

2011-09-14T13:28:00.001+08:00

Truth be told, most of the time, it IS easier to open up to a stranger than to friend. For me, the closer I am to a person, the harder it is for me to open up to them for several reasons.

1. It hurts less for a stranger to tell you you're a freak, than for a friend to do so.
Let's say you've got a secret about yourself you have yet to tell anyone about, perhaps something wrong with your mind (along the lines of stuff like necrophillia, masochism, sadism, depression, anorexia,etc), and you let your best friend know.
What if he starts to think that you're a freak? What if he shuns you because of that? It would hurt greatly. However, to have a complete stranger call you a freak and reject you wouldn't hurt as much.

2. What if your confidant fails you?
I have this issue whereby I often doubt my closest friends, especially girls. I know that it isn't right, but I just do. I'll always be thinking 'what if she tells people about my secret?', 'what if she starts spreading rumours?'. I just can't help thinking this way.
Anyway, what if your confidant fails you? If you told your best friend and she tells other people, they'll buy it in a second and your secret will be spread. If you told a stranger, and he told other people, it doesn't matter, because he's a complete stranger!

3. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"
What do you say when a friend asks you that? Telling the truth and saying that you never trusted the person enough to confide in him would hurt him, I'm sure.
A stranger, on the other hand, would never say that.

-------

I apologize for the poorly written post. I had two hours of very disturbed sleep last night, and my head is threatening to explode.

Guess who painted these?

2011-09-14T12:56:00.001+08:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

Take a look at the paintings above. Guess who painted them?

Adolf Hitler, the so-claimed Nazi Monster.

I just wanted to share this (:

I Need Motivation

2011-09-13T23:11:00.001+08:00

I failed two subjects for Term 3 - Mathematics and Chinese.

I'm very demoralized right now. I don't see the point in working so hard just to fail again.

I need motivation hurrrrr.

Oh, and, on another note, the sedative I'm taking - Atarax - isn't working anymore.

Runaway Train by Soul Asylum

2011-09-12T21:57:00.003+08:00

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there
Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train
Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it
CHORUS
Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain
Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

Runaway Train by Soul Asylum

2011-09-12T21:57:00.001+08:00

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there
Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train
Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it
CHORUS
Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain
Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

Rant: I'M NOT ANOREXIC

2011-09-07T13:37:00.001+08:00

Okay people, please - I don't have Anorexia Nervousa (AN)!

I am skinny because I have a small appetite. According to WebMD, "people who have anorexia have an intense fear of gaining weight... a distorted body image. Other people say you are too thin, but when you look in the mirror, you see a fat person."

I actually want to gain weight, I think I'm too skinny. Being as small sized and skinny as me sucks because it is almost impossible to find clothes that fit. People also assume that you have eating disorders.

I don't have a distorted body image. I KNOW that I am too thin.

Please stop calling me anorexic D:<

Untitled

2011-09-06T15:22:00.001+08:00

Bully victims are between two to nine times more likely to consider suicide than non-victimes. Half of suicides among young people are related to bullying,

160,000 children stay home from school every day due to fear of bullying.

Don't bully.

Memory by Keith Goh

2011-09-04T23:54:00.001+08:00

things will soon start to change.

the leaves will soon start to fall,

the air will soon start to turn cold

and the roads will soon start to look more treacherous.

you'll find that as with the weather,

i will soon start to change too.

i will soon start to disappear,

i will soon start to fade away.

as it always had,

the leaves will start to grow again,

the air will star to turn warm again

and the roads will soon start to look safe again.

but you'll find that unlike the weather,

i won't revert,

i won't reappear,

i won't re-materialise.

i won't remember.

Keith Goh

www.leovus.blogspot.com

"When in Rome, live like the Romans do."

2011-08-28T15:00:00.001+08:00

One of the ‘interesting’ complaints was lodged by a PRC family against their Singaporean Indian neighbors for cooking curry too frequently.

Though the considerate Indian family, who were mindful of their neighbour’s aversion, had already taken to closing their doors and windows whenever they cooked the dish, but this was not enough.

“They said: ‘Can you please do something? Can you don’t cook curry? Can you don’t eat curry?’,” said Madam Marcellina Giam, a Community Mediation Centre mediator. But the Indian family stood firm.

In the end, Mdm Giam got the Indian family to agree to cook curry only when the Chinese family was not home. In return, they wanted their Chinese neighbours to at least give their dish a try.

Such conflicts between native Singaporean Chinese and Indians are almost unheard of in the past as they have been living together for the past hundred years or so and are used to the cuisines of each other.

However to the newcomers from the poorer inland provinces of China, the smell of curry must come as a culture-shock to them.

The number of mainland Chinese living in Singapore has reached almost one million people according to UnionPay, a credit card company.

The media is full of reports of PRC cleaners, hawkers, construction workers, clerks, teachers, masseurs and even prostitutes being given Singapore PR and citizenship by the PAP. One of them, a 28 year old teacher Zhang Yuanyuan obtained her Singapore PR within TWO MONTHS of application.

In an interview with National Geographic magazine in December 2009, PAP supreme Lee Kuan Yew proclaimed that it is a good thing that Singapore is welcoming so many Chinese immigrants from mainland China as they are ‘harder-driving’ and ‘harder-striving’ than Singaporeans.

With the PRC immigrants flooding into the HDB heartlands and forming ethnic enclaves in certain estates like Kallang and Sengkang, such conflicts with native Singaporeans are likely to rise in the near future.

-

http://www.temasekreview.com/2011/08/09/prc-family-to-singaporean-indian-neighbors-can-you-not-cook-curry/

Basically, in order to solve the dispute, the mediator told the Indian family to not cook curry...

I think that this is preposterous! If the Chinese PRCs want to come into OUR Singapore, they should be the ones changing to adapt and us Singaporeans shouldn't be the ones to change our ways.
As they say, 'when in Rome, live like the Romans do'. Hence, when in Singapore, live like the Singaporeans do. We shouldn't be the ones to change to please them PRCs - the PRCs are the outsiders.

If this continues, pretty soon, Singapore will morph to become a second China.

It's no wonder people think that Singapore is a state in China.

My Happy Place

2011-08-27T14:21:00.001+08:00

aka my dream future:

I want to live on a house in stilts in the middle of a clear sea, but not too far out in the sea such that my house will be completely destroyed by a tsunami whatsoever. From my bedroom window, I will be able to leap out and plunge into the water.
(no scary sea creatures please)

Besides my current pet bunny, hamster and doggie, I will have a hedgehog named Hedges, a cat named Zazzles, a Border Collie and a guinea pig.

I will own two jet skis and a Vespa scooter.

In My Happy Place, disorders don't exist - no insomnia, no depression, no shit like that - and whoever who discriminates will be fed to my pet sharks.

My First Love Poem

2011-08-26T12:25:00.001+08:00

You're everything the stars want to be on a cloudy night,
shimmering and illuminating the black velvet sky.
Like a beautiful candle of elegance, you are my light
and I can't get you off my mind no matter how I try.

Your beauty astounds me,
your elegance divine.
Come with me, together we shall flee
as our hearts and lives interwine.

God forbid you turn me down
because my life would then be bleak.
Upside down, you can turn my frown.
With you, my life would be complete.

You are my heart's missing piece,
baby my love is true,
so please don't mistake me for a tease
because I can't imagine life without you.

-Claire Leong

While writing this poem, I had to think like a lesbian for awhile... Hahah :p

Anyway, one of my friends needed help to write a love poem for a girl he's after. Thus, I came up with this, but then he decided that 'it's so sweet' and I should give it to my boyfriend instead. Problem is, I don't have a boyfriend!

And apparently, I suck at writing love poems...

that's so elitist

2011-08-22T22:20:00.001+08:00

I still don't get why people look down on the Normal Academic and Normal Technical students, whereas think so highly of Express and Special streamed students.

Including teachers, parents, and even students. The NA and NT students eventually, after being told that they are horrible students, believe that they ARE horrible students. The EXP and SP students, on the other hand, after being told that they are 'better than the NA and NT students', start to believe it as well.

The exp and sp students get big headed, na and nt students get demoralized.

Okay I'll continue some other day. I'm too shag right now. Ran out of meds.

Here's to the gays, the bi's and the lesbians.

2011-08-22T22:15:00.001+08:00

Even though I'm no lesbian, it appalls me, really, that today's society can be so disguested and unaccepting of homosexuals.

All of us are humans, homosapiens.

Realize that both homosexual and homosapien begin with 'homo'?

That's because we're all humans, and they are no different - they are simply attracted to those of the same gender, and I don't see anything wrong with that.

Those who blame people for being a homosexual are stupid. It's not like they CHOSE to be attracted to those of their same gender, they were just programmed that way.
It's like me blaming you for having the 'wrong' favourite colour or having the 'wrong' favourite food. It doesn't make sense, does it?

A few people have 'fessed up' their homosexuality to me, and I realized that they're all very apprehensive about it, afraid of what my reaction would me. I just say 'okay, cool', because I don't see the big deal.

Gays are being ostracized, and I just cannot understand why.

Here's to the gays, the bi's and the lesbians:
You're you. There's no reason you should hide who you are. Be proud of who you are (: Here are hugs, encouragement and love for y'all. Oh, and remember that if you want society to accept you, you've gotta accept yourself and be confident.

Social Politics

2011-08-22T22:00:00.001+08:00

Why must everything have 'social politics' today?

Why can't everything be as it was in primary school - either I 'friend' or 'don't friend' you. It was so simple.

You are the rule, not the exception

2011-08-22T21:40:00.001+08:00

I don't usually read self-help books, because I am quite convinced that it is all a bunch of bull-crap.

A couple of years back, I bought this one called He's Just Not That Into You.

It was different, it was truthful and at times brutal. If you watched the movie, the book is like Alex. And you are Gigi. or rather, I am Gigi.

This book changed my dealings with the opposite sex forever.

No longer do I wait up for late night messages. When I am sleepy, I sleep. There is no need to wait for that one last text. Because if he's into you, he's not going to be upset that you need your beauty rest. And if he is not texting/calling/whatsapping/skyping you, he's really not that into you.

The book, if I dare say, is revolutionary. Like in the movie, us girls are brought up with the mentality that if a guy is an asshole towards us, he is probably too into us. This was how I was brought up, too. But the truth is, if a guy acts like he is not into you, it really has nothing to do with him being intimidated by you or not wanting to spoil the friendship, it just simply means that he doesn't like you, not that much, anyway.

It's a very brutal truth. If he doesn't like you, he doesn't. No amount of sticking around and stalking will ever change that.

Like Alex said in the movie, if the girl he sees is not into him, he knows that there will be others. There will always be others.

Remember, you are the rule, not the exception.

Adapted from dinnielim.com

So I ran out of meds...

2011-08-21T21:44:00.001+08:00

Two nights ago, I took the last of my Atarax pills.
However, that pill decided to fail me.
I thus didn't manage to sleep very much...

Last night, I didn't have any Atarax pills.
Thus, I didn't sleep at all, and spent the night playing Dragon Nest, singing and eating in the dining room in the darkness all alone.
I managed to sleep for about an hour at 7am.

Tonight, I still don't have any Atarax pills.
I am preparing myself for another six hours of loneliness, boredom and frustration.

Kudos to ya.

I refuse to grow up

2011-08-14T19:26:00.001+08:00

I don't ever want to grow up.

Know why?

The older you grow, the less fun you get to have.

As a fifteen year old, I can no longer run around the void deck playing hide-and-seek or catching with my friends as I squeal in excitement, blow bubbles and prance around without being judged or being labelled as a madman.

to be continued when my mind isn't so mushy from studying

Sweet texts, awkward conversations

2011-08-12T19:15:00.001+08:00

On one of my Facebook friend(Jody Spongee Ng)'s wall was this:
"teenagers always so sweet in messaging, so awkward when face-to-face. whats wrong?"

She is also convinced that because of all the awkward interaction between teenagers today, there will be no more 'true love'.

I believe that there will definitely still be 'true love', because in my opinion, love will never cease to exist. I define 'true love' to be unconditional, accepting and forgiving. What her definition of 'true love' is, I am not sure.

But that's not what I want to talk about.

Moving on...

Answering her question "What's wrong?":

What's wrong is that teenagers today have gotten too attached and influenced by technology that we have lost our social interaction skills - we have had our senses dimmed and can no longer pick up social cues like we used to before instant messaging and text messaging came about. We have thus become extremely socially awkward because face-to-face interaction is not in our 'comfort zone'; we'd rather stay behind the comfort of our computer and hand phone screens, typing away.

But what's so good about cyber messaging, anyway?
You don't get to see your friend's reaction, and you get to hide yours.

A great example would be guys fessing up to girls about their 'feelings'. They do it over text (which I personally find impersonal and that the guy should grow some balls) because they don't have enough guts to see the girl's reaction; they're afraid of being rejected in person. They thus hide behind the handphone screen.

Oh, and, here's an additional point made by Daryl I find especially true and appropriate:

when you message and stuff you're communicating with only words, but face-to-face you're communicating with words, tone, body language, and stuff you're probably afraid or uncomfortable with the other party

Well, that's all I have for today.

Kudos for you, readers! :D

Secondary School - Either the best or worst time of your life.

2011-08-04T22:04:00.001+08:00

Parents often say "Enjoy life now! Secondary school will be the best time of your life."

Oh how wrong are they.

Many people expect secondary school to be the best time of every teenager's life. But no, it is only the best of some teenager's lives. To the rest, it's just another hellhole.

Philosophical Moment - if a man is crazy, but no one realizes he's crazy, is he still crazy?

2011-08-02T20:35:00.001+08:00

Longman's dictionary defines crazy as "strange" or "mental illness".

What exactly is 'strange'?
Someone who doesn't act normal.

What defines the norm?
Whatever the majority of society is doing is deemed normal.

Thus, in other words, being crazy is being different from the rest of society, and being crazy is a mental illness.

I certainly do not see the logic in this!

Just because someone doesn't conform to socio-norms, that person is a madman?

Who are we, as mere mortals, to go around diagnosing whoever we fail to comprehend as a psychopath, and then throw him into the asylum?

IN Magazine, 25th July 2011

2011-07-28T22:44:00.001+08:00

By Claire Leong, IN Crowder

At the risk of sounding like the school outcast, I was once the object of girl-on-girl aggression – a form of bullying.
As its name suggests, it’s done by girls to girls. It is different because the bullying is not physical but mental.
It often stems from jealousy or insecurity, and all the feminine traits you hear of often come into play – gossip, rumour-mongering, and exclusion from a group.
In front of the adults, the bully becomes the “good girl”.
In fact, my bully was my best friend - now ex-best friend, of course.
It started with a stinging slap to my cheek in front of everyone else during recess. Humiliated and utterly taken aback, I ran away crying. I went back to class after recess and returned to my seat beside her, eyes sore and red from crying. She behaved like nothing had happened. I was so confused – did I imagine the whole incident?
My mum complained to the discipline master, who asked the girl to apologise to me over a handshake. She smiled sweetly and asked the teacher: "Can I hug her instead?" I was daft enough to believe that she was truly sorry.
Despite the hug, the next few months were torture.
Rumours about me, such as me committing theft and stealing someone’s boyfriend spread like wildfire, nasty notes criticising me and insulting my personality or appearance were left on my desk, and I was constantly spammed with hate messages over Facebook and on my blog.
I spent my recesses alone in the girls’ toilet, reading a storybook while I waited for the bell to sound so I could go back to class.
I found any excuse I could just to miss school. I was simply too much of a weakling to stand up for myself.
The ordeal was finally over when I was posted to a different class from my bully this year.
However, the bullying had already done its damage. I’m distrustful of girls and whenever I see two people whispering nearby, the first thing that comes to my mind is “Oh my gosh, what did I do? What are they saying about me?”.
I tell you this – girl aggression is more hurtful than regular bullying because it is all mind games. Authorities brush it off as “just a phase” or, like some school counsellors, think that “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. It’s not true for me – words can smart and become festering wounds.
Please, will adults realise that girl aggression is a big deal?

Midnight Thoughts: More Lists!

2011-07-25T02:54:00.001+08:00

Five things that make me happy
(1) A happy dog with a waggly tail
(2) Matching underwear
(3) Hugs
(5) Dinosaurs
(5) Sleep

Five things I want to accomplish
(1) Gain weight
(2) Sew up Dino, my 15-yr old plushie dinosaurs
(3) Conquer fear of wax figures
(4) Conquer fear of the dark
(5) Get over this stupid insomnia crap

Walking Halter

2011-07-24T18:41:00.001+08:00

The other day, I walked into the pet shop at Kallang Leisure, only to find amongst the leashes and collars, this atrocious product - Walking Halter.

Walking Halter!
Walk your dog with ease!

No more pulling, lunging or struggling

I was thinking 'Hey, this is pretty cool.' until I found out how this contraception operates.

There is a muzzle to be put around the dog's snout. When the leash is taut, the muzzle tightens, thus clamming down on the dog's snout.

This is a cruel, cruel contraption!

Clamping of a dog's snout is okay when training it to stop barking or biting. However, it is definately unacceptable to clamp it's snout for walking too fast or too far away from you.

You see, when a dog is out for a walk, chances are it has his tongue dangling out. When the muzzle contracts, it will force the dog's snout to clamp close on its tongue.

This is CRUEL.

I don't understand how anyone would grant a patent on this piece of torture device.

Untitled Poem III

2011-07-24T17:09:00.001+08:00

As I was emptying my pencil case (to fit it in my brand new bunch of awesome coloured pens), I found this crumpled paper at the bottom. It was a poem I wrote from God-knows-when. Here it is:

Fresh blood trickled down her wrists,
dripping down in monotony.
Her parchment skin scarred and creased
as tears flowed down in synchrony

A pity, really - the girl who was always smiling.
She bled just to know she was alive;
she had rather feel pain than nothing,
as she stored all memories in archives.

I realize that the second stanza isn't really good, (call me big headed) but I like the first stanza of this poem of mine and I'm pretty proud of it!

Midnight Thoughts: (untitled poem II)

2011-07-23T13:21:00.001+08:00

When hugs aren't enough to squeeze away the pain,
when visits to counsellors are all in vain,
when this terrible sensation throbs through your veins.

Who do you go to
to help pull you through?

When lyrics of songs make you cry
and you can't block out tears no matter how you try,
when you feel like you're falling into the sky.

What would you pay
to make it all okay?

(written on 200611)

List of...

2011-07-20T20:42:00.001+08:00

Okay, I'm pretty bored, so here's a few lists about things regarding me:

When I sleep...
-I have to be in my Sleepy Undies (I have a few pair of Sleepy Undies)
-I have to be pantless
-Nightmares wake me up crying
-I will unconciously cuddle / sqeeze beside whoever's beside me (sister, mum, friend, whatever)
-I coo in my sleep (according my mum and sister)

When I'm angry...
-I burst out in violence
-I will find things to destory and smash

And yeah... I'm bored of making lists.

I shall no longer labour for ADSS

2011-07-16T17:46:00.001+08:00

From today onwards, I am going to declare that I, Claire, shall no longer labour for Admiralty Secondary School since I am clearly not appreciated.

I work my ass off my Drama Club, Debate Society and I give it my all for the emceeing duties the teacher toss in my face. Yet what does the school give me in return? Nothing but cold chicken, hardened dry rice and a room-temperated packet of Milo during dinner break. Most of the time in Debate Society or for emceeing duties, I don't even get a lunch time.

For Drama Club, I worked so hard, and during the period of time when I had missed only four consecutive sessions during the March holidays, the head of performing arts pulled me out of drama to interrogate me. This happens to me when I miss only four sessions, whereas for those who don't even bother showing up regularly, they get nothing more than an 'Irregular CCA Attendance' in their report book.

I don't see how this is just in anyway, especially to ME.
I am fully permitted to rant about this.
I am fully permitted to refuse to help out my school.

Phbbt.
My school is crap.

Family

2011-07-14T16:24:00.001+08:00

"Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten."
-Disney's Lilo and Stitch

I love that quote so much, because it is so true. In my opinion, family doesn't have anything to do with blood ties.
Your family is whoever who will never leave you behind and will never forget you. Your family will always love you, always be there for you and will never judge you.

That is what I think a family is. Your opinion?

"Glaze of Glory"

2011-07-13T21:48:00.001+08:00

A year ago, I was requested by my English teacher to write an essay for a competition. I edited it this evening, and now, here it is:

Light flickered off the shiny assemblage of seashells, blinding me for a moment. I glanced at it the exhibit, my irritation building.

Just then my eyes fixed on what was right next to it, and I immediately relaxed. This was why I was here, after all. This was the reason why they had let me out for a day. I breathed in, suddenly elated. That was my artwork right there, mounted next to the shiny assemblage of seashells that formed a little house.

It was a painting of a flock of birds, one perched on a branch of white flowers, the rest flying against the deep red of the sunset sky. Birds were free.

It had been an art competition open to all secondary schools, and I took part with no hesitation. Art was my forte, and I knew it. This piece meant the most to me, because it was the last thing I did before I got too, as the doctor had put it, 'stressed out' and something in me snapped.

Thinking about made me feel like a basket case. However, I can assure you, that I am not.

Pushing that from my mind, I settled myself down into an armchair by the exhibit, staring contentedly at all the people milling around. They would glance from the reproduction of Rene Magritte’s The Lovers (although it was a pretty amazing reproduction), slide their gaze down to a hand-crafted lamp, focus for a moment on the seashells, glance away, almost missing my brightly-coloured canvas… But then they would look back suddenly, intrigued, as though surprised they had missed it at all. Their jaws would drop, their eyes would go distant, and you could see for a moment that they understood all of me.

I sat there in my armchair, feeling like the queen of the world, watching as people read the description at the bottom of the canvas and empathized, shaking their heads and whispering words to each other about how much of a waste it was. I basked in my glory as a crowd gathered around my canvas, and I swear I felt as though I had floated up in my very own cloud of happiness and was watching them from above. I felt a rather stupid smile form on my face, but I didn’t mind. After all, I was on a cloud, who could see me?

However, it was my art piece and I did not like being uninvolved. I leapt up from my chair and launched myself into the crowd, ready to say hello in my chirpiest, happiest voice.

Just as I opened my mouth, someone in a uniform grabbed me.

“It’s time to get back on the bus,” She said, trying to guide me through the crowds, away from the exhibit.

“I’m not ready,” I said. “I have to talk to my fans.”

“You have to get back to your friends,” She added pointedly.

“They’re not my friends!” I yanked my arm back, insulted. “They’re a bunch of lunatics! I don't belong with them!” A couple of people looked over at my raised voice.

“You need to take your medication,” She whispered in my ear, dragging me more persistently through the crowd.

“You need to take your medication!” I screeched. I ran back through the crowd to the exhibit, knocking over a few people on the way. I felt myself trip over something suddenly, and I felt a hard bump on my head.

I looked up at my artwork, remembering what it felt like to be so happy just a few moments ago. As my vision slowly gave way to darkness, I felt my short-lived happiness, my hiatus into freedom, my glaze of glory, fade away as well.

Really, none of us were ever free to begin with, I thought, as the birds I’d so vividly and lovingly painted before I got diagnosed disappeared into the approaching darkness.

Six Things Money Cannot Buy

2011-07-04T23:42:00.001+08:00

1. Love

Pretty close to the cliched phrase, 'money cannot buy friends', money cannot buy love. That cliched phrase is cliched for one reason, and only one - it is as true as anything else can get and there is no way you can argue that money can buy love, or friends, because the only thing money gets you, is people who love your money.
Money allows you to buy gifts, and although gifts is one of the five languages of love - touch, gifts, acts of service, quality time, words - gifts alone cannot get a person to love you. It could get someone to like you more, or favour you over others, but only because of the gifts you shower upon them.
True love - phileos and agape - cannot be bought in any way.
Feel free to debate on whether love can be bought or not with me.

2. Forgiveness
"I killed your son on accident. Here is $500 - forgive me."
Do you really think that that would work out? No way! There is no way to put a price on an err, or whatever you have lost, especially something of sentimental worth. Bringing the issue closer to your heart: Think of the person who has hurt you the most, be it a parent, a friend, or a partner. If that person came up to you and gave you $500, or even a million dollars, would you forgive that person?
Let us sidetrack for awhile.
Today, people are suing each other a lot. For rape, for harrasment or even slander. The point of it, is not the money earned through suing the person, unless it is out of pure spite or a schemed easy way to get money, it is revenge. To at least try to get back what the suffererer can from the aggressor. But do you think that the people who sue, after getting the money, walk out of court thinking 'that guy has given me his money, and thus I shall forgive him for slandering me'.
Forgiveness is, like love, a complex thing that cannot be bought just like that.
True forgiveness, is saying that you will bury the satchel and never again bring the issue up with spite, or use it as a reason to do anything. If you claim to have forgiven someone, but still spite that person for doing what he did, then that is a hollow forgiveness and it means nothing.

3. Trust
I doubt you could trust someone who comes up to you, gives you a million dollars, and then say 'trust me', right? In fact, it seems more of suspicious and it would deter me further from trusting that person! Thus, with no explanation needed, I conclude that trust cannot be bought.

4. Respect
A price tag cannot be put on respect, can it? You don't respect a person for being rich - you respect a person for his authority, and for what he has done. Read up on respect by clicking HERE, and I shan't need to explain further.

5. Peace

I saved the biggest till last. Peace cannot come from a fat wallet or bank vault. Real peace comes from ideas. Talking, thinking, and being empathetic and understanding every single day can bring about more peace than any money could ever buy. If we were all just a little more tolerant of other people, a little more forgiving and a little less obsessed with the mighty dollar, we may just see that money really isn't what life is all about. It's about loving your neighbor, caring for your family and telling your friends how much they mean to you. It's not going to solve world hunger immediately, it's not going to put an end to the war in Iraq. But at the end of the day, if we could all just see that we're not all that different and our petty squabbles are just that, then maybe we could move an inch closer to Nirvana here on Earth.

http://www.wisebread.com/the-things-that-money-just-cant-buy

6. Warm Fuzziness
I saved (what I feel is) the best for last!
I'm talking about the warm fuzzy feeling you get deep inside the pit of your tummy when someone gives you a hug; the big grin on your face you just cannot wipe away when someone tells you that you're beautiful; the excitement that shows in your eyes when you receive a letter in the mail from a friend. The warm fuzziness that you just don't get from cash.

Cold hard cash is called 'cold' and 'hard' for a reason. It is cold, and cash can turn you cold. There are very few philanthrophists today, because there's this thing about too much cash that gets to your head, kinda like how power does, and it turns you into a cash-freak, kinda like a power-freak, and all you think about is MONEY.
MONEY MONEY MONEY I NEED MONEY! AYE NIDS DARH MARNEYYYY!
GIVE MEE DAR MARNAY NAO!!!
You'll do anything to get that money, and pretty soon, you'll be thinking "I can do whatever I want - I've the richest man". Relate this to The Standford Prison Experiment of 1971 - pretty soon, the appointed guards were thinking "I can do whatever I want to the prisoners - I'm a guard.".

So yes, these are my views on what money cannot buy.
If you would like to rebut and tell me that money can buy the six stated things above, feel free to contact me at zythrog@gmail.com, or simply post it as a comment.

Midnight Thoughts: Poem - Insomnia II

2011-07-03T01:38:00.001+08:00

Walking around in the darkness

Thoughts flooding my mind

Waltzing about in aimlessness

The rest I deserve, I can't seem to find

Poetry Competition

2011-06-27T21:49:00.001+08:00

I originally wrote a poem my teacher deemed 'dark' and 'disturbing'. This was her reaction when I showed her the poem:
*reads poem*
*looks at me*
*glances at poem*
*looks at me*
"This is very...dark...and disturbing. A lot of disturbing mental images..."

I won't be surprised if she sends me for counselling soon.

Anyway, I thus wrote another poem of happy insomnia. Phbbt. I don't even like the poem. Hmph.

Imagine a dancing bunny
hopping ‘round the room.
Think of something funny
just to chase away the gloom.

Staring into darkness – it isn’t much fun.
In a dark lonely room with nothing to do or see,
might as just well let my imagination run;
Let it go wild and free.

Insomnia – it isn’t the best:
Holding sleep hostage for Valium pills,
doesn’t ever let you rest
until the exhaustion feels like it’d kill.

But sometimes, exasperation
makes for the best inspiration.

Poetry Competition

2011-06-27T21:48:00.001+08:00

I won't be surprised if she sends me for counselling soon.

Anyway, I thus wrote another poem of happy insomnia. Phbbt. I don't even like the poem. Hmph.

Imagine a dancing bunny
hopping ‘round the round.
Think of something funny
just to chase away the gloom.

Staring into darkness – it isn’t much fun.
In a dark lonely room with nothing to do or see,
might as just well let my imagination run;
Let it go wild and free.

Insomnia – it isn’t the best:
Holding sleep hostage for Valium pills,
doesn’t ever let you rest
until the exhaustion feels like it’d kill.

But sometimes, exasperation
makes for the best inspiration.

Midnight Thoughts

2011-06-27T02:26:00.001+08:00

Down her cheeks streamed tears,
crystal and glistening, overdue by years.
Usually she would hold back them tears
but she couldn't anymore, after so many years.

Overwhelming emotions gushing,
fear, hatred, anger - all the more reason to be crying.

Alienated emotions filling her to the core.
For a split second there, she was vulnerable once more.

Then she gathers her shattered pieces,
flattens out the creases.
and rebuilds her fortress of defenses.

(I know this isn't good.)
On another note, insomnia has got me screwed up so badly! I'm pissed off by the slightest of things and I just want to shut the door, lock it, and be alone. This is very unlike my extroverted self.
Any advice to help me sleep? If I could sleep, I'd be a much happier person. And I'd also probably be able to function more like a normal person.

Midnight Thoughts: Spare the rod and Spoil the child

2011-06-25T23:31:00.001+08:00

Very unfortunately, many parents believe that if you spare the rod, you would surely spoil the child.

I would beg to differ.

I do not get how, in any way, can hitting your child cause him to behave better or realize his wrong. The only thing hitting your child will do, is to cause him to feel more hatred toward you.

I remember, during my last year of Primary School (Primary Six), my extremely biased Science teacher called up my mother one day, telling a fictitious cock and bull story about how I had skipped several remedial lessons, refused to complete my work and rebutted her. Of course, my mother chose to believe my teacher.
I was at home, sitting in the study, playing with the computer, when all of a sudden, my mother burst in through the door, demanding that I tell her why I had failed to complete my assignments, played truant and was defiant. Taken aback and wrongly accused, I defended myself and, in an extremely childish and whiny tone, wailed that I had never done any of the said accusations.
She approached me, shutting the door behind her and through her gritted teeth she hissed, "Don't lie to me."
By then, tears were welling up in my eyes as I attempted to explain myself innocent. My mother, a hundred per cent convinced that I was the rebel my teacher described me to be, grabbed a wooden back scratcher and commanded for me to put my hand out. As any kid would, I did not want my hand to be hid, so I tucked my hand nicely behind my back, only for my mother to hit my legs instead.
Each time she demanded for my hand and I did not do so, she hit my leg once more. For every stroke of the cane, I only felt angrier.

Another incident I vividly recall, which also took place during my last year of Primary School. I was on the way to church with my sister, my mum playing the role of the chauffer. My sister and I were bickering as we always would and she, as per usual, got away with everything by doing the 'smarter' thing and giving all the snide remarks and menacing glares from behind my mother's back. Furious and blood boiled, I yelled what I had no idea was a cuss word at her (the word, by the way, is 'guailan', Hokkien for 'attitude'. no idea why it is considered a profanity). Out of nowhere, my mother delivered a stinging slap to my cheek. She yelled at me that I was grounded. I had no clue as to why. I just remember feeling extremely agitated and even more angry than I was before, just that this time, at my mother.

So, really, how does hitting a child teach him? I think the way to teach children would be to explain why what he did was wrong. I am absolutely against hitting children. Sure, a spank on the butt or a little slap on the arm is fine, but to hit so hard that it leaves a mark is wrong. I think it is a horrible form of disciplining a child! If the parent makes a habit out of it, one day, the parent is going to hit the child harder than intended and thus leaving the child horribly scarred both physically and mentally for life.

Hitting a child... It is also really hypocritical of a parent to do so. Parents, of course, are against children hitting one another. However, there the parents go, hitting their children. When the child, however, hits a fellow child or someone younger than him, claiming that his mate was rude to him, disobedient... parents say that that is no excuse to hit someone. Well, if my parents hit me for being rude, why can't I hit my little cousins for being rude to me, too?

The hypocrisy behind death sentences...

2011-06-25T21:21:00.001+08:00

"An eye for an eye" is something that most people live by.

Even the leglislature runs by that, with their death sentences.

I honestly do not see the logic behind prosecuting one to death. The reason behind a punishment is so that the doer of the crime is able to realize what he did was wrong, and hopefully turn a new leaf.

If you prosecute the criminal to death, he just dies immediately - no time to realize his wrong, no chance to even feel the slightest pang of guilt, no opportunity to apologize for his wrong-doing...

4. Do we want justice or revenge?

In a civilized society, we gradually move from the concept of “punishment” to one of reform. Only when the court senses that a person is too far gone for reform does it even begin to consider a death sentence. This is sure to provoke strong responses, but do we really feel that no criminal* can ever change? That they’re a foregone conclusion?

http://www.bhagwad.com/blog/2010/politics/death-sentence-for-rape.html/

*Criminal: In the original article about rapists, the term used was 'rapist', but I had changed it to 'criminal' to fit this context without changing the original.

Well, that is all I have for this post.

Kudos for y'all readers (:

Oh, wait, on another note, I'll be dropping by a cosplay event at Downtown East tomorrow afternoon. Any chance anyone is dropping by there?

The hypocrisy behind death sentences...

2011-06-25T21:19:00.001+08:00

"An eye for an eye" is something that most people live by.

Even the leglislature runs by that, with their death sentences.

If you prosecute the criminal to death, he just dies immediately - no time to realize his wrong, no chance to even feel the slightest pang of guilt, no opportunity to apologize for his wrong-doing...

4. Do we want justice or revenge?

In a civilized society, we gradually move from the concept of “punishment” to one of reform. Only when the court senses that a person is too far gone for reform does it even begin to consider a death sentence. This is sure to provoke strong responses, but do we really feel that no rapist can ever change? That they’re a foregone conclusion?

http://www.bhagwad.com/blog/2010/politics/death-sentence-for-rape.html/

Well, that is all I have for this post.

Kudos for y'all readers (:

Oh, wait, on another note, I'll be dropping by a cosplay event at Downtown East tomorrow afternoon. Any chance anyone is dropping by there?

MOVING~

2011-06-24T17:04:00.001+08:00

Hey people!

Uberawesome Dinosaur is moving to posterous at http://clairetheawesome.posterous.com.

Innocence isn't Immaturity; Love

2011-06-22T15:07:00.001+08:00

Many a times, innocence is confused with immaturity. I'd just like to say that innocence isn't immaturity.

For example, innocence is hugging your friends and telling them that you love them. Immaturity, however, is the shallow mentality that once you hug somebody, you are in love with them.

Speaking of love, however, I want to point out that there is more than just passionate love between a girl and a boy. Here are the four forms of love:
Epithumia ~ attraction love; infatuation
Eros ~ physical love
Phileo ~ brotherly love; platonic
Agape ~ Godly love; unconditional

Epithumia, or infatuation, is usually what sparks off a relationship, which may lead to agape, an unconditional love.
Eros, or 'erotic love', is merely sexual and usually goes nowhere.
Phileo, platonic, is between friends.
Agape is completely unconditional - perfect love.

(will be continued when I've gotten suffice sleep)

Freebies

2011-06-22T14:59:00.001+08:00

I've got my cousins from America in Singapore, currently living in my house until they leave for America once more, and I've been having to babysit the two boys, Samuel (10) and Raymond (8).
Initially, I was dreading it. Sure, I liked little kids, but I didn't want to be taking care of them 24/7...
However, they turned out to be really awesome kids! They were fun, cooperative...

Anyway, I was still reluctant to babysit. It was stressful and at times, the kids could get extremely annoying. But I guess all the babysitting earned me something!
They're father, my uncle Richard, got me an iPad from America, and he gave me his old SLR camera! Now all I've gotta do is get that baby repaired at peninsula and I'm off to go with an awesome vintage cam, an iPad, and a brand new Fujifilm Instax Mini 7!

(the fujifijlm polaroid wasn't from my uncle. I bought it.)

I don't want to grow up!!! throws a tantrum

2011-06-20T13:11:00.003+08:00

I don't really wanna grow up just yet...

I'm enjoying being a kid too much. Being able to do whatever the hell we want, and people will just say "tsk, kids"; being old enough to know but too young to care - I'm not gonna be able to give all that up just yet.

In other words, I'm not done living my childhood yet.

And I don't get why people are so keen on growing up so fast...

As you grow older, you realize that being 'grown up' isn't all it's cut out to be - being 'grown up' means responsibilities galore, expectations risen and many more. All that suck big time.

And being 'grown up' doesn't entitle you to a lot more than being a kid does.

Being 'grown up' doesn't mean you get to do what you want whenever you want. Quite the opposite, actually. Restrained with responsibilities, there's not much an adult can do whenever and whatever the hell he wants to.

Just a random notion.

Invisible Pain

2011-06-20T12:41:00.002+08:00

"How can something so invisible hurt so much?

What the world doesn't see and know are the amount of times you are under the covers or beneath your desk crying from this invisible, very-present pain.

Everything is shrouded in a deep cool blue or black or bloody purple. Nothing is pastel or warm.

Nothing brings solace.

Talking to someone makes you cry, as do lyrics of music you listen to 'for distraction'. Hugs are just not enough to squeeze away the pain.

And it is invisible, spirit in the night, an intimate stranger that only you know oh too well. A pain that knows no source and knows very little end too often."

-Elaine Chiam

Uhm, superficial much?

2011-06-19T01:10:00.002+08:00

Yet another sad, lonely night for this insomniac, thus I was browsing Facebook and Twitter as per norm. I came across what HAS to be over a million 'Happy Fathers Day' messages.

My question is...

Is it really necessary to post it online for ALL to see, when your father doesn't even use Facebook or Twitter?

In my honest opinion, and with no intentions to insult or offend anybody, I think it's really superficial and doing-it-just-for-the-attention to post these oh-so-heartfelt things online...

If you really love your father, TELL him.

Or, if you daren't, leave him a note or card of some sort.

Okay, I'm not thinking properly or concentrating very well. It is Night 11 of insomnia, if I'm not wrong, and I'm really shagged. Blaaaaarhk.

Back from Jakarta!

2011-06-17T12:59:00.003+08:00

Yo Peeps!

I just got back from IN Crowd Jakarta Trip yesterday, which shall hereby be referred to as 'The Narnia One', and DAMN I am tiiiired!

Day 1 - left Singapore, arrived Jakarta, had dinner at some restaurant where there was minimal non-spicy food... Thus I couldn't eat much, but Eisen was nice enough to cut out small piece of the fish in the Curry Fish Head which didn't get soaked in the curry, so it wasn't hot.

Day 2 - Visited the Jakarta Globe. Had some free time whereby some IN Crowders got lost.

Day 3 - Visited Jakarta Bureau and SIS. Had free time whereby I purchased eight badges which say "DAMN I Love Indonesia".

Day 4 - Free and Easy and check out. THEN HOME :D

On the side....

I went to the guys' room and jumped on sleeping Ben on either day one or two (I forgot). Also attempted to tickle Nasri, but got flung onto bed once, got tickled by him and all else instead, and also got carried by Nasri and thrown onto the bed.

Went to the guys' room and stayed there till past midnight on the night of the third day, where we tried to squeeze as many people as possible into the cupboard. Got locked out of my own room.

Didn't get to go to the gym or pool on day four though ):

So yeah it was a really fun trip! I shall blog about the poverty in Jakarta soon.

Cheeros!

Be yourself.

2011-06-12T10:33:00.002+08:00

Know what I simply detest?

People who post facebook statuses or twitter updates as such:

"Why can't you see through my facade?"

"I can't always be happy. But people don't see that."

"Why can't I be as happy as you?"

"I don't see a point in living life anymore! OH WOE IS MEEEEEE!" (okay I exaggerated the end bit)

Oh seeeeesh people, get a grip of yourself. I realize that yes, people do have facades. In fact, each and every one of us is holding up a facade right now. But you don't have to PUBLICIZE it, because if you do, you're just hogging attention for the sake of getting attention.

But... I'm not here to rant about these statuses. Instead, I'm just going to say

be yourself.

Be your damn self because you're damn awesome and you're perfectly fine. You should always change to be a better person, but there is no point in putting on a facade.

What a facade does it hide your true self from people. What is the point of that? If you always have a mask on, people will love your mask - not you. That isn't good.

And wearing that mask means that you're embarrassed of who you are. You have no reason to be, because everyone is different and everyone has their own iffy qualities and weird points.

For example, I'm a geeky person at times, I play L4D and House of The Dead though I'm a girl, my Neopets account is more active than it should be and I get a little too crazy at times.

But we're all God's children (: (:

Once again, I don't know how to end this post....

Going to Jakarta :D

2011-06-12T10:26:00.003+08:00

Hey guys!

I know I don't often blog about things like this, but I'm going to Jakarta on Monday (130611) and I"ll be returning Friday (170611) with SPH IN. SO EXCITED :D

On another note, say hello to me, the super-awesome-yet-prone-to-head-injuries-insomniac. Yuppp I'm getting yet another one of my insomnia streaks again. I'm physically exhausted and mentally drained but I just cannot sleep, and even if I do, I don't feel rested.

Guess how much sleep I've had in the past six days!

Seven hours!

On yet another note. I miss ice skating and swimming... ):

It's never going to be enough, is it?

2011-06-05T15:24:00.002+08:00

"I'm need to lose weight."

"I need to gain weight."

"I need bigger boobs."

"I need a smaller ass."

It's never going to be enough, is it?

I just noticed that, living in a society where looks is everything, it is never enough - you'll forever be too fat, too thin, too flabby... And you can always find fault with your own body.

To be continued when I'm not so damn sleepy.

I Miss The Old Disney

2011-06-03T13:52:00.003+08:00

Embed above is my YouTube playlist of some old Disney songs, from when Disney was actually good.

I miss the old Disney! If you ask me, I think that Disney today is bullshit ):

Whatever happened to riding away happily on a white horse with Prince Charming? Whatever happened to the innocent hugs and kisses?

They've now been replaced by 'Double-Life Pop Stars' and their boyfriends and their boyfriends cheating on them. Really, Disney? That's what you want to teach kids?

More Thinspo II

2011-06-01T12:13:00.006+08:00

I did two other posts on Thinspo before, and today, I chanced upon even more thinspo. No kid.

Thinspo, or thin-inspiration, is basically things that inspire people to be skinny. Sure, it sounds sound enough, just some inspiration for girls to be skinnier.

But it seems like thinspo is getting more and more ana/mia-encouraging (ana is anorexia, mia - bullimia).

For example:

From theskinnycity:

"If you feel like you're going to eat, but don't need it, put a few drops of vinegar on your tongue"

From anorexia10 (an appalling site with advice for anorexics):

"Follow the “Thin Commandments”

If you aren’t thin, you’re ugly.

Being thin is way more important than being healthy.

You must do anything to make yourself look thinner.

Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.

Thou shall not eat fattening foods without punishing yourself accordingly.

Thou shall always count calories.

The scale is everything.

Losing=Life, Gaining=Death

You must become thin.

Being thin and perfect are signs of true determination."

From jordyxheartx36:

I think the people who set up these unhealthy Thinspo blogs that encourage anorexia and bulimia are... I'm not going to say 'shallow'... I think they need help. It's not that they're mentally disturbed and psycho, it's just that they're slightly... wonky...

But it isn't their fault, is it? You cannot blame them for wanting to be skinny. You cannot blame them for having body dysmorphic disorder. You cannot blame them for thinking that "sk

inny = beautiful".

Who, then, is to blame for this deluded mentally that they've adopted to?

You.

Yes, you. You who sneers at 'fat people'. You who scoffs at a plump girl in a bikini. You who ridicule girls with fat rolls.

The whole of society mocks people who are just slightly above average weight. Thus, girls develop the 'skinny=beautiful' mentality and think "if I'm not skinny, I'm not beautiful". In order to stop the ridicule and the taunts they receive from society, they go to drastic measures to become skinny and 'beautiful' - the either become anorexic or bulimic.

It is disturbing, really, and saddening, to see these girls throw up everything after every meal. Just to be 'beautiful'. Is that really what 'beauty' costs? Your guts? All your food?

Pretty soon, girls become so afraid of becoming fat and getting ridiculed that they dev

elop dysmorphic disorder, whereby they see themselves totally different from how they really are. In other words, a 40kg girl will see herself as a complete fat ass.

Please, people. Beauty isn't defined by a friggin' dress size or number on the scale!

If you truly are beautiful, it will radiate from the inside out - beauty is not only skin deep. Beauty is what is on the inside. If you are a beautiful person on the inside, you are beautiful on the outside, too.

So what does beauty really consist of? A forgiving heart, good thoughts, confidence and a sprinkle of smiles and laughter.

But if you are ugly on the inside - with nothing but thoughts of harm and vengeance - no matter how skinny or how pretty you are, you will forever be ugly. The words 'UGLY' will be scrawled across your forehead in big, bold letter.

------

My other posts related to Thinspo and Beauty:

http://uberawesomedinosaur.blogspot.com/2010/12/skinny-city.html

http://uberawesomedinosaur.blogspot.com/2011/01/more-thinspo.html

http://uberawesomedinosaur.blogspot.com/2011/03/and-yet-society-forces-girls-to-think.html

http://uberawesomedinosaur.blogspot.com/2011/01/true-beauty-radiates-from-inside.html

Online Blogs are For All to See

2011-05-31T23:06:00.004+08:00

Oftentimes, people set up online blogs for all to see to pen down their thoughts of all sorts, be it private or otherwise. And then, they start to rant. Oh, but not about things in general, about a specific person. A specific person whom, they do not realize, have access to their blog too.

And when this 'specific person' stumbles upon the blog post dedicated to insulting him, surely he feels offended. And thus begins the epic war between them two...

But really people... Do you seriously have to pen down your every single thought online for public eyes? And then when you offend someone, you claim "no one asked you to read my blog!". When your blog is public, it gives everyone the right to read its content, and by ranting about a specific person, it is consider defaming that person. That person has the legal right to sue you. Keep that in mind, please.

So please, enough of the

"you defame me on your blog!"

"who asked you to read my blog?"

quarrel amongst teenagers, especially in the secondary school age.

Another thing, though - please stop insulting people on social networking sites. It soils a person's reputation unfairly and it is extremely unreasonable on your part to do that.

Church Camp!

2011-05-30T14:18:00.006+08:00

Normally I don't blog about how my days have been going, but I just HAVE to blog about this! I returned from my church camp yesterday, and it was pure awesomeness...

Day One, several of us arrived in the late morning at Turi Beach Resort in Batam via ferry. It was my first time on a ferry!

Since we had a lot of time while awaiting the arrival of the rest of the people (who couldn't make it in the morning), we had free time! Dropped by the pool with Brian P, Joel T, Shane, Marco and Jin, pulled some

crazy stunts, then met up with several others for banana boat-ing in the sea!

After that, dinner by the poolside with some live music...

Day Two was when the church-organized fun began! Games, music, worship, service, WOOTS! :D Didn't take many photographs though...

Day Three, was free-time fun! Went banana boat-ing again and jet skiing with Kayxon!

Basically, 'Banana Boat' is this floa

t thingy shaped by a banana that sits six people and is pulled by a speed boat or jet ski which attempts to capsize you.

After that, went jet skiing with Kayxon! It was super fun... I screamed a lot, though... And each time Kayxon pressed onto the throttle (which caused the jet ski to accelerate forward), the jet ski would jerk... And because I'm so light, my entire self would lift up the seat and smash back down which hurt my butt... Halfway

through, we swapped drivers so I got to steer. I sucked. According to Kayxon, each time I pressed onto the throttle, I'd scream. And every time I pressed onto the throttle, I'd panic, and I'd press even harder, thus panic even more... To the extent that Kayxon had to reach over me from behind and help me steer a bit.

Oh, and when we were in the middle of the sea, I tried to turn. Should have slowed down first... So basically, I managed to flip the entire jet ski, causing Kayxon to fall off and me to fly off. Quite literally. And for some reason, no matter how much or how hard I tried to swim back to the jet ski, I wasn't moving. Thus, he had to pull and carry me back up the jet ski, then he drove us back.

So yeah, CAMP WAS AWESOME even though I'm currently aching everywhere, got bug bites from head to toe and am covered with cuts and bruises from God-knows-where.

Because it's going to get better

2011-05-26T21:36:00.002+08:00

Every once in awhile, life simply seems bleak and impossible that there would be a brighter tomorrow.

But, hey, that's only how it seems like. Because it's going to get better. This, I promise.

I promise you this, because I strongly believe that

1. Everyone deserves to love unconditionally

2. Everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally

3. Loving and being loved unconditionally makes everything better

And I don't ever break my promises. If things do not get better, you're permitted to march down to my house, break down my door and toss me out the ninth floor window with an anchor tied to my ankle.

Keep in mind, though, that it'll only get better if you want it to.

If you go on with the 'things will stay this horrible forever' mentality, then things WILL stay this horrible forever because you're only focusing on the negative points. People who use the excuse 'I'm not being negative - I'm being realistic' are narrow-minded, shallow jackasses.

There is a difference between being realistic and being a pessimist. I honestly cannot stand pessimists and their 'OH WOE IS ME' attitude. And once again, I've drifted far from my main point...

Mid Year Examinations...

2011-05-26T20:38:00.002+08:00

Alright, so apparently, everyone screwed up the mid year examinations this year. When I told a teacher about it, she said that that was how it was - screw up MYE, get motivated and ace End Years.

But... It seems that the 'MYE shall motivate you' idea is backfiring, in a sense.

Instead of motivating us students to do better for the end year examination, it is demoralizing us and causing us to think 'bloody hell, study or not, I still fail. Might as well not study'.

You know, I studied like I never had before this year. I failed.

In fact, I failed so badly that my friends did not believe me when I told them I'd studied so hard.

The MYEs are bullshit.

Some poems...

2011-05-20T20:40:00.005+08:00

The Number One Killer

She eats you up from the inside out;

she's the culprit that can't be caught.

And slowly, painfully, you would rot.

She makes you go insane -

Isolate you on a desolate train

of emptiness 'cept for pain.

She makes you wish you were dead;

makes you want to stay in bed.

Probably just stay there till you fade.

Depression -

leaves you with nowhere to run.

With You Came Osiris

I built a wall of strong defenses

and you, idiot, walked into my fortress;

make me put away all pretenses.

But with you came Osiris.

Sometimes

Sometimes I feel like faking

my very own suicide

to see who'd be mourning

by my burial site.

Sometimes I want to dive

headfirst into eternal abyss.

For sure I wouldn't survive,

so here's my final goodbye kiss.

(All above poems are my original work - I am against plagiarism. Do rate and comment!)

Abortion - yes or no?

2011-05-12T14:05:00.001+08:00

Many say that abortion is cruel. But then again, forcing a girl who isn't ready to have a baby is cruel, too. But which is crueler?

Okay, so, why abortion should be illegal (this should be easy):

Abortion is MURDER. I strongly believe that. A fetus is a living, breathing, thing. Did you guys know how cruel the process of abortion is? The fetus is literally VACUUMED up. The head, too big to be vacuumed, it CRUSHED, and then vacuumed. As an ultrasound shows, when a fetus is being aborted, the fetus screams. Yes, the fetus screams and tries to move away from the equipment. If you don't believe me, help yourself to the very disturbing ultrasound clip from the video The Silent Scream.

Most abortion cases are the result of teens going around banging each other for fun. But what about the small minority, where they get impregnated because of rape? If so, it isn't their fault. Should the victims or rape be allowed abortions? Or should they be forced to carry the baby for nine months, and then proceed to give the baby up to foster parents?

Should abortion be banned altogether? Should girls be forced to carry their baby for nine months and then give the baby up if they aren't ready? However, it would be difficult to give up the baby after nine months, when a bond has developed. Sure, you wouldn't think that one could develop a bond with something so... noninteracting... But you'd be surprised. And would there be enough foster parents willing to adopt these children? Will the foster parents love their adopted childish as much as they deserve to be loved?

There are some girls who get impregnated at a very young age and they not only are not emotionally ready for a baby, but physically not ready. What if a thirteen year old girl got raped and got pregnant? Should she, then, be allowed an abortion?

Okay, I've been talking about unwanted pregnancies. Now about deformities.

Some parents abort their baby upon finding out that their child is going to have a defect - missing limbs, cleft palate, rubella, et cetera - decide to abort their baby. Some of them abort their baby thinking 'I do not want an ugly baby' whereas some abort their baby thinking 'He won't make it even if I do birth him; he'll only suffer'.

So... Should the first set of parents - 'I don't want an ugly baby' - be allowed to abort their child? Should the second set of parents - 'He'll only suffer' - be allowed to abort their child?

If you force the first set of parents to keep their child, they may not treat the child well and they may not love the child as much as he deserves to be loved. If the child is put up for adoption, there is a very small chance that a couple might want to adopt a child with defects or a child that would require a lot of money to care for - treatment, operations...

If you force the second set of parents to keep their child, the child might suffer in the future. What if the couple has insufficient funds to treat the child?

Okay... I'm pretty much done here. I apologize for the horrible structure of this post. Hope this gives you something to ponder about tonight!

Hidden Motives?

2011-05-11T21:48:00.003+08:00

(Okay, I'm not sure if calling it 'hidden motives' is appropriate or not...)

Majority of my closer friends are guys, probably because I just get along better with guys better than girls. And it is definitely easier to confide in guys than girls (okay that wasn't my point). Anyway, in the past few years of my life, I've had quite a number of these few 'closer friends' to suddenly step out of my life.

Why?

Because the only reason they were so nice to me and why they texted me nightly wasn't because they were awesome friends. It was because they wanted to date me. And once I'd turn them down, BAM, they're gone! No longer in my life!

And it hurts. It hurts like hell.

To them, they're simply losing another girl.

But to me, I'm losing one of my best friends.

I guess it isn't really a 'hidden motive' on their part, but still... I mean, one of them never even bothered to reply my texts or answer my calls when he decided he 'didn't like me anymore'. And damn, that guy was seriously one of my best friends! We talked late into the night about everything, and I genuinely thought that he was going to be a friend that lasted. Guess not.

Okay, just a random rant... Because one of them just texted me. It was chain text.

Oh, and also, they expect me to be as nice to them as I was before when they ask me for favors. It's like silence for a few months, then suddenly a phone call and he says 'hey, help me do my homework?'. And damn it, I just cannot say no. And damn it, I AM as nice to them as I was before because somehow, I cannot bring myself to be so mean toward them.

Okay, ranting ceases here. Back to usual blog posts - no more personal issues.

Gays being ostracized

2011-05-08T19:59:00.005+08:00

A lot of times, I hear people saying things like 'you f****** gay!' or 'go away you stupid gay'. And being called a 'gay' becomes an insult; fights erupt because people call each other gay.

I don't get it.

Why are people using gays as an insult? That is so hurtful. It is like, for example, somebody saying 'You are such a *Malay', 'You are such a *Chinese', 'You are such a *Christian' - it'll hurt the Malays, Chinese and Christians by saying that.
Hence, mocking someone and calling him gay in an insulting manner is hurtful to the gays.

Moving on...

What is wrong with being gay? Why are people being looked down upon and being made fun of just because of their sexual orientation? I don't think it's fair. It is not their fault that they like people of the same gender! They aren't very different you know.

Here's an analogy adapted from one of Luan's videos:

A rainbow has seven colors.

Let's say I dislike the color yellow.

But if yellow didn't exist, we wouldn't have the same rainbow we have today.

And I think it is pretty true. Society despises gays, for some reason that I STILL cannot comprehend. But if there were no gays around, then we wouldn't have the world we have today.

Another thing - the government does not think that Singapore is ready for same-sex marriages. In fact, in Singapore, gay marriages are illegal. How can Singaporeans learn to accept gays if the government doesn't teach us to? It is like a parent telling a child to go to church weekly, but the parent would rather sleep in than go to church. It doesn't make sense. Not to me, at least.

The government thinks that Singaporeans aren't ready for gay marriages to be legalized.

I think that the government should legalize gay marriages so that Singaporeans will accept gays.

People need to stop ostracizing gays.

Sure, certain religions are against gays.

But certain religions are against drinking and smoking - you don't ostracize smokers and drinkers as much as you do gays. Why? Because you're too narrow-minded to?

--Extra Videos--

LuanLegacy: Stop hating on feminine gays

LuanLegacy: Prop8 has been repealed (prop8 is the law against gay marriages)

LuanLegacy: Sexual Orientation is NOT A Choice

(yes I realize they are all from LuanLegacy. this is because I truly take my hat off to him voicing his opinions and standing up for himself.)

--Extra Reads--
YawningBread: Do Singaporeans Approve of Gay Marriages?

International Gay & Human Rights Commission: Singapore: Update - Law Against Homosexuals To Remain

*I mean no insult or offence against the Chinese, Malays and Christian.*

Kid slaps Mum...

2011-05-08T11:56:00.002+08:00

When I watch the above video, I was pretty much taken aback...

But then again... I couldn't decide whether I believed the mother or the child.

First and foremost, it is definitely wrong on the mother's part and also the child's part that the child slapped his mother. Wrong on the mother's part for not enforcing proper discipline, wrong on the child's part for slapping his mother.

However, when the son was telling the story...

.. It was rather difficult to believe that he was making it all up. He seemed pretty consistent with his stories and it is unlikely for a child to make up all that. The mother admitted that she came from a family of abuse. It is therefore likely that she would abuse her child, and it only depends on the degree of abuse she dishes out.

Alright, next thing to talk about.

I think shows like this are plain WRONG.

They sit people down in front of an audience, counsel them for the public to see, and people worldwide just watch in amusement.

It is quite sadistic, though. And cruel.

What's your view?

Why Society?

2011-05-02T01:54:00.002+08:00

Why society?
Why won't you even let a 12-year old feel beautiful? I was at Central this evening after dinner, walking around, when a little girl no more than 12 years old walk by me. She had brown locks and tan skin. Although she was slightly rounder, she was rather pretty. Her mother told her something, and then called her 'Beautiful'. Her response?
"I'm not a beautiful. I'm too fat to be beautiful.."
oh. my. gosh.
Seriously, society, WHY must you be so cruel, so superficial and so shallow that you cannot even let a 12-year old feel beautiful, even if just for a moment?
For the love of God! She is only twelve, and society has already cultivated a 'you cannot be beautiful if you're fat' mentality in her. But from the very beginning, she wasn't fat! She was just a little rounder than average!

Society is seriously crueler than ever before, forcing girls, kids even, to starve themselves or gag themselves so that they're 'beautiful'.

To the girls out there - to HELL with what people think - you're beautiful; beauty isn't a size; beauty is more than superficial and if someone cannot see that, that someone isn't worthy of even seeing how beautiful you are.